Klokateers



Klokateers (informally referred to as "Hoodies" on occasion) are the brutal overseers of Dethklok's various properties and the roadies for their concerts.

Appearance
The Klokateer uniform generally resembles that of a medieval executioner, consisting of a black hood, black sleeveless shirt, black pants, black gloves, and black boots. However, certain Klokateers wear variations of the standard uniform, such as the pilot of the band's Dethcopter (who wears a flightsuit and helmet) and the Klokateers who assist Charles Foster Offdensen in legal matters (who wear black business suits with their hoods). (Curiously, the submarine used by Dethklok to record their underwater album was crewed by what appeared to be members of the Russian Navy, as opposed to Klokateers.)

In order to prove their loyalty to Dethklok, Klokateers must go through a ceremony during which they receive a Dethklok emblem (called a "Gear") branded onto the backs of their necks. Their appearance might be inspired by infamous shock metal band The Mentors.

About
As devoted fans first and foremost, and Dethklok employees second, Klokateers obey Dethklok without question, no matter how outrageous the band's demands may be. They are quick to beat or kill people, with or without orders, and in "Dethcarraldo" gladly pull Dethklok's very large boat over a nearby mountain at the cost of their lives. In "The Metalocalypse Has Begun," they function as an army for the band, fighting with swords and other medieval weaponry despite the fact that they carry automatic weaponry and high-powered sniper rifles in their estate. Dethklok's massive helicopters serve as troop transports for them, dropping hundreds at a time onto the battlefield.

The first use of the term to represent Dethklok's massive gang of henchmen is in The Dethalbum. In the liner notes, Dethklok states their appreciation of their labor, saying "DETHKLOK would like to thank the tireless work of the Klokateers (see we really are good bosses)." As revealed in "Dethsources," even before they are officially hired, they are quite likely to die. The episode also features the first use of "Klokateers" within the main series. The entrance exam alone has a mortality rate of fifty percent, as the participants are required to pair up and fight each other to the death with their bare fists. Offdensen mentions that, by the time they are made official Klokateers, most will likely have been maimed or killed. Their living conditions are said to be so horrible that their corpses are stuffing the sewer system, much to the dislike of a visiting health inspector, although it is unlikely that things will change, since Nathan and Murderface convinced the health inspector that the extremely poor and deadly working conditions are very "metal."

Most Klokateers are generic in form and unnamed. However, one Klokateer in particular is given an identity that makes him easily recognizable in future episodes. Number 216, a midget who wins Murderface's "diamond-encrusted, titanium-base codpiece" in the Season 1 "Murdering Outside The Box" episode (while unwittingly saving Dethklok from certain disaster) is seen in two later episodes. In Season 2, he is seen in the "Dethcarraldo" episode manning a large chaingun pod, wearing his prized codpiece a,nd viewing a porn magazine while waiting for the massive gun to be reloaded. In "Dethrelease," Number 216 can be seen with Offdensen and a fellow Klokateer standing near the Dethcopter prior to the launch of the release concert. He is also seen briefly in "Renovationklok". When Pickles asks when Mordhaus is going to be finished being renovated, Number 216 can be seen in the background standing on a scaffolding next to a muscular looking klokateer. His appearance could be considered an "easter egg" in the series.

The Dethklok song "The Gears" is about the Klokateers (and could very well be their official anthem).

They are killed as (if not more) frequently as any other people who come into contact with Dethklok.

They always refer to the members of Dethklok as "my lord(s)" or "my master(s)" and are in turn referred to by their numeric designation.

Employee Level System
Dethklok (more likely their manager Charles Offdensen) uses a Leveling system for all Dethklok employees, which refers to their function and possibly determines what benefits they receive (if any at all). Note some Dethklok employees like their "legal team" have no known level. Here are the known levels, functions, and benefits of various Klokateer groups (as well as their immediate superiors/supervisors).

Level 1: Amp & Guitar Tech Team

 * Job/Function
 * Carrying, tuning, and maintaining all guitars, bass guitars, and amps used by Dethklok.


 * Superiors
 * Skwisgaar Skwigelf, Toki Wartooth, Murderface, and Charles Offdensen.

Level 2: Drum Tech Team

 * Job/Function
 * Tuning and washing Pickles' Drum Kit.


 * Known Level 2 Employees
 * Agent 216


 * Benefits
 * All Level-2 employees receive a Viking Funeral, as stated in the episode "Murdering Outside The Box".


 * Superiors
 * Pickles and Charles Offdensen

Level 3: Microphone Washing Team

 * Job/Function
 * Washing the microphones of all band members.

Number 421
 * Known Level 3 Employees
 * Number 216 (midget of the Klokateers)


 * Superiors
 * Nathan Explosion and Charles Offdensen

Level 4: De-Corpsing and De-Limbing Stage Team

 * Job/Function
 * Removing all corpses and any detached limbs from concert stage (and possbily Mordhaus as well).


 * Known Level 4 Employees
 * #2678990010


 * Superiors
 * Dethklok and Charles Offdensen

Level 26: Lighting Crew

 * Job/Function
 * Handling lighting and lighting equipment at Dethklok concerts (and possibly Mordhaus as well).


 * Superiors
 * Dethklok and Charles Offdensen

Legal Team

 * Job/Function
 * Dethklok's crack team of highly trained (and highly paid) lawyers and paralegals. They report directly to Dethklok's CFO, Charles Foster Offdensen. In charge of keeping record of any and all waivers used to protect Dethklok from being held legally responsible for just about anything.


 * Benefits
 * Allowed to wear normal business suits with their black Klokateer hoods. Well paid.


 * Superiors
 * Charles Foster Offdensen and Dethklok

Preparing For The Amount Of People To Die Team

 * Job/Function
 * Analyzing, recording, and predicting the amount of people, fans included, who will die at Dethklok-related events and concerts, or as a result of Dethklok's actions (or possible inactions).::Charles Foster Offdensen


 * Benefits
 * Allowed to wear normal business suits with their black Klokateer hoods. Well paid.


 * Superiors
 * Charles Foster Offdensen

Washing The Carcass Removing Machine Team

 * Job/Function
 * Washing all the corpse removal machinery.


 * Superiors
 * Charles Foster Offdensen (and possibly Level 4 employees)

Catering Crew

 * Job/Function
 * Dethklok's chefs and cooks: including current Chef Jean-Pierre.:


 * Benefits
 * Great medical and health care benefits (including high-tech life support systems and reconstruction surgery).


 * Misc Info
 * Appear to be cursed as all of them have been horribly maimed and/or killed (apparently more so than other Dethklok employees to the point that even Dethklok is aware of it - though it should be noted that the band isn't terribly concerned about this).


 * Superiors
 * Dethklok and Charles Offdensen

Prophylactic Team

 * Job/Function
 * Test and provide Dethklok various prophylactics used by Dethklok and their various sex partners.


 * Superiors
 * Dethklok and Charles Offdensen

Skank Patrol

 * Job/Function
 * During events, they scout the crowd for hot ladies and give them full medical check-ups before sending them back stage to meet the band.


 * Superiors
 * Dethklok and Charles Offdensen

Klokateer Elite Commando Squad

 * Job/Function
 * The Klokateers' elite security force hand-picked by Offdensen. Their main job is to protect Mordhaus and, more importantly, protect Dethklok.


 * Superiors
 * Charles Foster Offdensen


 * Misc Info
 * They first appear in the episode "Black Fire Upon Us", having been handpicked by Offdensen to combat The Revengencers and protect Dethklok (and Mordhaus) from them. However, they are all killed while attempting to destroy the Revengencers' sonic weapon. It is unknown whether Offdensen replaced them.

Scienitific Research Team

 * Job/Function
 * Highly paid scientists who work for Dethklok deep inside Mordhaus. They experiment in various musical and death metal related research (including experiments with recording on water—"the purest of all analog formats").


 * Superiors
 * Dethklok, Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler, and Charles Offdensen.

Computer/Internet Dept

 * Job/Function
 * Dethklok's computer experts who apparently run Dethklok's official websites and other computer/internet related properties.


 * Staff
 * Appears to be made up entirely, or at least possesses a large ratio, of hooded female Klokateers who are computer experts.


 * Benefits
 * Female staff have legal protection (as Offdensen prefers to settle out of court and have the offender attend a "workplace sensitivity meeting") from sexual harassment (even by Dethklok Members) and are allowed to carry mace in the workplace (as seen in episode six of the third season, "Fertilityklok").


 * Misc Info
 * They first appear in "Fertilityklok". In that episode, Murderface sexually harasses one of the female workers who maces him. She later files a sexual harrassment complaint with Offdensen who tells Murderface they should settle out of court and has Murderface attend a "workplace sensitivity meeting". This is one of the few instances were a Klokateer doesn't suffer any form of punishment despite macing a member of Dethklok (this is likely due to the fact it was Murderface and that the female Klokateer was justified in macing him).

Inside Mordhaus: The Klokateer's Story
Is an investigative report about the Klokateers, featured hidden chip on the Metalocalypse Season 2 DVD. According to the specials reporter, the Klokateers are sworn to vows of secrecy, that some say are punishable by death. It is also stated that rumor has it that becoming a Klokateer is harder than becoming an Astronaut or an FBI Agent.

It is revealed that Klokateers are recruited at shopping malls, grocery store, movie theaters, and of course Dethklok concerts. If they pass a background check, they are brought inside Mordhaus, where their endurance (including being starved, sleep -eprived, and ultimately broken mentally (in essence being brainwashed). Experts saysthe Klokateers out umber the British Army, this means, more than 150.000.

Known Klokateers
The following Klokateers are all Klokateers whose number identities are known.

Active

 * 216- a dwarf Klokateer who won Dethklok's Annual Employee Conference Conference & Raffle and wears Murderface's diamond encrusted and titanium-based codpiece.
 * 421- a Level 3 Klokateer who was interviewed by Dethklok prior to the Annual Employee Conference Conference & Raffel.
 * 2678990010- a Klokateer that is part of the De-Corpsing & De-Limbing Stage Team who Facebones says is his birthday in a video extra.

Deceased

 * 55789- Electrocuted.
 * 99130- Crushed by an amplifier.
 * 11111- Trampled by fans.
 * 19898- Died of a heart attack during an encore.
 * 57755- Lost during shipping.
 * 47- Killed by falling debris.
 * 27853- Fell into an acid moat.
 * 78443- Committed suicide.
 * 67388- Died in a pruning accident.
 * 66661- Died while retrieving soundboard from lava.
 * 19224- Mauled by a polar bear.
 * 11445- Killed by collapsed scaffolding.
 * 19225- Died in plane crash.
 * 91119- Impaled by Toki's guitar. (However, the official record states "Flying V" as the guitar who impaled 91119. It is implied it belonged to Toki, as Toki is the only member of Dethklok to use Flying V guitars.)
 * 33237- Dragged away by a falcon.
 * 99989- Killed in a pyrotechnic misfire.
 * 896- Mauled by kitties.
 * 4771- Died in plane crash.
 * 113- Trampled by fans.
 * 99694- Died of plague.
 * 47914- Shot in the face.
 * 6832- Decapitated.
 * 26783- Eaten by rats.
 * 9754- Died of acute confusional senile dementia.
 * 76543- Died of gout.
 * 25322- Acquired facial neuropathy.
 * 19234- Died of gastro esophageal reflux disease.
 * 81254- Died of Pickwickian syndrome.
 * 17112- Died of face cancer.
 * 328- Died of polycystic ovarian syndrome.
 * 78593- Died of schrebeis.
 * 76548- Died of brain bulge.
 * 34259- Died of Angelman syndrome.
 * 45002- Died of either Bloch-Sulzberger syndrome or incontinentia pigmenti.
 * 22127- Died of Rocky Mountain tick disease.
 * 14572- Died of anti-glomerular basement membrane disease.
 * 35803- Poisoned.