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The Skwisgaar Skwigelf Advanced Fast Hand Finger Wizard Master Class was a pay-per-view event by Skwisgaar Skwigelf. Skwisgaar said that it would be the "most brutal pay-per-view event ever". Part of it was seen in the episode Skwisklok.


In order to promote the event, a music video was made for a guitar solo written by Skwisgaar called "Crush My Battle Opponent's Balls". However, a freak accident occurred during the filming of the video, killing multiple crewmembers. The remaining footage was later edited and shown on TV.

Before the event, Skwisgaar requested a dragon to be in the master class, similar to the music video for "Crush My Battle Opponent's Balls", but the person working there declined, saying that dragons never existed and therefore impossible to obtain. Skwisgaar, angry, fired the person. Later, Skwisgaar started to crumble under pressure when Charles Foster Ofdensen came in and had Skwisgaar sign a ten billion insurance policy, having each of his fingers insured. He also had Skwisgaar wear solid crystal oxygenating hand-aquariums in order to protect them while he was not playing.

Later, Skwisgaar had trouble getting the solid crystal oxygenating hand-aquariums off and went to the rest of Dethklok to help. After multiple failures, Nathan Explosion finally poured some of his Explosion Sauce on Skwisgaar's wrists, making his hands slippery enough to break free. Skwisgaar then ordered that somebody to get his guitars and a towel before tasting the sauce. Unbeknownst to him, one of the ingredients of  Explosion Sauce is cilantro, which he is allergic to. The resulting reaction made his tongue and hands swell enormously and his face developed red blotches. He went onto the stage and did the master class, but played much worse than expected. Nevertheless, the event was successful, with a reporter going on to say that Skwisgaar "truly reinvented the instrument". At one point, fans mimic his moves in the master class by strumming the guitar with stiff fingers.

A second Skwisgaar Skwigelf Advanced Fast Hand Finger Wizard Master Class was included with the DVD release of the first season of Metalocalypse Unlike the first one, this one went successfully. In it, Skwisgaar is dressed in his normal outfit. He starts by talking about what kind of equipment he uses, then proceeds to teach the guitar solo for the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle, minus the second guitar line of the dual guitar part.

In conclusion, Skwisgaar Skwigelf teaches you hows to pulls all the gmilfs and ladies to bangs with and have sexy times with.


  • Brendon Small, under the guise of Thor von Clemson, filmed a "Thor von Clemson Advanced Fast Hand Finger Wizard Master Class" prior to Metalocalypse. It was included with the DVD set for his previous project Home Movies. Thor von Clemson had long blonde hair similar to Skwisgaar's, but unlike Skwisgaar, actually had supernatural powers. He was able to use his guitar to fly, and shoot lightning from his hands. One of the people working on the set was electrocuted by Thor's lightning, similar to the freak accident that occurred during the filming of the music video for "Crush My Battle Opponent's Balls".